Monday, August 07, 2006

The Evil, Evil Sock Monkey...
(To be read quickly, as if out of breath & anxious...)

Day after day, HE stares at me... he spies me... unwavering... stoic. That unyielding countenance of his... that unbending smirk... that silent mockery.

Does my Being never leave his constant stare? Does my movement not escape him, and his unblinking gaze?? Does he watch o'er me, even as I sleep?

Ahh, sleep... I do indeed take repose, but yet with one eye open... casting about to catch his silent shadow against the unspeaking, unbending walls...

... laying awake for hours without end, and void of peaceful dreams, I listen for him... Him... HIM!!

"And now, have I not told you that what you mistake for madness
is but over-acuteness of the senses? Now I say there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound -- such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I knew that sound well, too... it was the beating of the old man's heart. It increased my fury, as the beating of a drum stimulates a soldier into courage. But even yet, I refrained & kept still... I scarcely breathed...."

Truly, I tell you, friend -- the Sock Monkey castigates me! He seeks to wear me down & whittle away my peace by the ungodly screaming of his perpetual silence!! Oh! How he seeks to destroy me!!!!

Is that which I speak, blasphemy? How can it be so when all that I have related to you about the Sock Monkey be faithful & true?

"Speak not to me of blasphemy, man! I'd strike the sun if it insulted me!... Look ye, Starbuck... All visible objects are but as pasteboard masks. Some inscrutable, yet reasoning Thing puts forth the molding of their features. The White Whale tasks me.. he HEAPS me! Yet, he is but a mask. Tis the thing behind the mask I chiefly hate... the malignant thing that has plagued & frightened man since time began... the thing that mauls & mutilates our race -- not killing us outright, but letting us live-on with half a heart, and half a lung!"

I swear to thee, that last nite, in darkness of midnite -- or was it the darkness of my soul? -- I did creep upon that Sock Monkey, and caught him whilst he looked away, toward a sound in the opposite corner of the room... Hahahahah! Oh! I did fool that evil, cotton-filled primate by cleverly tossing a small stone against the opposing wall, to distract his perpetual vigil against me!! Twas then that I struck -- quickly and lethally, as a coiled cobra! Struggling mightily, I rendered him helpless, and cast him asunder... never to again disturb me with his evil quietness...

And, yet, now, several hours later... I do swear that I can hear him... I can feel his buttoned-pupils upon me once more... I can sense his ceaseless ridicule and boundless insults against me!! I listen again... and though my ears fail to detect any sound whatever, I DO hear him.. feel him... dread him...

How can this be so?? Did I not rid myself of him but a scarce few hours ago?? What is it that I hear so loudly as if to presently drive me mad??

"... but the noise steadily increased! Oh, God! What could I do? I foamed! I raved! I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been square-sitting, and grated it upon the boards... but the noise arose over all, and continuously increased! It grew louder, & Louder, & LOUDER!!...

... But, anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bare their hypocritical smiles no longer -- I felt that I must scream or die!! And now, again -- hark! Louder... Louder!! LOUDER!!

Villains!! Disemble no more!! I admit the deed!! Tear up the planks!!! Here! HERE!!... It is the beating of his hideous heart...!!!!"

(with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe & Herman Melville).


  1. :-D thanx!! ...& dont forget, im also slightly deranged! ;-)
    p.s. -- no sock monkeys were injured in the creation of this blog entry. :-)

  2. Dude, you need to cut down on your coffee!! I think more than 24 cups a day is not good for you...

  3. Lions and tigers and bears...oh my! You been in the loco weed again, bro? sock monkeys??

    The next thing I know, you will be fantasizing about being eaten by a marshmallow rabbit or being chased by a vicious animal cracker lion!

    You really need to get out more!

    In the words of Groucho...Why are there ducks???

    (solution to the dilemma of the vicious, evil sock monkey: Get a plastic banana, sneak up behind him, cover his eyes, and beat him about the head and shoulders with said banana....said sock monkey will undoubtedly rebound quickly from the beating, but while he is trying to reform, place him in a plastic sack, carry him to the dog pound, and make Rover's day!) :-)

    Peace out.

    Ora Pro Nobis peccatarobis, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae.

  4. I think the lack of sleep got tpo you!! Ha! This was so funny!!! Thank you for the laugh I really needed this right now.. ;)

  5. I hear where you are coming from, compadre. I've been there, and I'm glad I'm not there now.