Cherry Bomb...

As those of you faithful readers will know, I often wake up with a song stuck in my head. (See blog for April 6, 2006: "Life's The Same, And Moving In Stereo"). This morning was another one of those days. But, the song and the artist was kind of a curious one -- I don't own any of this artist's CDs, and haven't heard this particular song in years...

I woke up this morning with John Cougar Mellencamp's song, "Cherry Bomb", blastin' in my brain. And I even vividly remember the part of the dream where that song was playing: I was cutting thru this dirty, dusty vacant lot behind the bowling alley, and on my way to a park -- something I did all the time when I was a kid. I'd cut thru this vacant lot, after riding my trusty green bike right up next to the busy highway, which was as far as I was allowed to ride. I'd stop at the side of the road, sitting on that banana seat, and wonder to myself where all of the Consolidated Freightways semis and cars were going to? I'd watch them for several minutes, before they disappeared over the horizon, passing me by. I've had this particular memory, of cutting thru that dusty lot & getting to that green park, in several dreams throughout the years. It's a warm memory to me. Makes me smile...

"...When I think back about those days, all I can do is sit and smile..."

This past weekend, I was again reminded of certain limitations that I have, and am still working my way thru. I often refer to these shortcomings of mine, as 'The Wall'. Problem is, even tho The Wall is in many ways self-imposed, and completely voluntary, I still haven't figured out if it is a Wall meant to keep me in, or to keep others out? I'm sure it's a little bit of both.

In alot of ways, The Wall is just like that strip of busy highway that I'd ride up to -- it is a boundary for me. A place that I can't go past. A limitation. I absolutely know for certain that The Wall has often been my saviour, keeping me from certain dangers. I know this for a fact. So, I can't say that The Wall has been a bad thing, altogether. But, I also am aware, that sometimes The Wall can be a painful thing for me, when I come up against it. And sometimes, The Wall can cause pain or sadness for others -- often, they are people who I care about. For anyone who has ever been hurt by The Wall, I'm sorry, and apologize for any pain it may have caused...

"...If we've done any wrong, I hope that we're forgiven..."

One of the first things I did this morning, was to go to iTunes, and download "Cherry Bomb", and a few other John Cougar Mellencamp songs. And as I'm writing this blog, I have "Cherry Bomb" on continuous repeat, blasting thru my headphones.

You know, it's a sunny, spring day... pretty windy (of course), but otherwise fairly decent. I have the day off, after absolutely working my butt off for the past 3 wks. Maybe I should take the advice given by a friend who has been so good to me, and get myself out from behind this computer, and get out there. I think I'll hop into my vehicle, connect the iPod to the stereo, and just drive. Doesn't matter to where, really. Or for how long. It'll give me a chance to think, and try to figure out what I'm doing, or what I'm not doing. Maybe shake off a little of the fading winter, & the cabin fever, & the boredom...

"...The winter days, they'd last forever. But the weekends went by so quick. We're ridin' around in this little country town -- we were goin' nuts, girl, out in the sticks..."

A better plan might be to just get on my mtn. bike, and go for my first ride of the year. I do my best thinking when I'm either walking, or riding. Maybe I'll even ride to that same stretch of highway, stop beside it, and again watch the endless traffic go on by. Then maybe I'll do something that will make me smile -- I'll cut thru that same dirty, dusty vacant lot behind the bowling alley. I'll cut across to that park & remember what it was like to be 8 yrs. old again, where the only boundary I had was that strip of road, & all the traffic.

Of course, being my first bike ride in about 8 months, I know I'm going to be sucking eggs after a few blocks, and will be huffin' n puffin' by the time I make it to the bowling alley, especially against this wind. But, at least it will get me out, give me a chance to ponder. And maybe it will help improve myself a little bit, with some good cardio exercise to get my heart really pumpin'... yeh.

"...That's when a sport was a sport, and groovin' was groovin'.
Dancin' meant everything. We were young, and we were improvin'.
Laughin', laughin' with our friends. Holdin' hands meant somethin', baby.
Outside the club, 'Cherry Bomb', our hearts were really pumpin',
Say 'yeh yeh yeh'... say 'yeh yeh yeh'...."