Saturday, March 25, 2006

Jam Master J...

OK - so this is my exceedingly exciting life, condensed every so often into digital nonsense. I doubt if you will find the answers to any of Life's Questions in this blog -- but hey, who knows... sometimes I even surprise myself in the wisdom that I stumble across, quite by accident.

For instance, I've learned to actually read the labels of the groceries I buy. Yes, you are reading the musings of someone who used to shop by color. Oh, OK... I still do, from time to time. Like a freakin bumblebee in search of flowers to polinate, I'd literally buzz up n down the aisles of the grocery store, oblivious to most names and brands, only stopping to land on items that my insect brain was pre-programmed to recognize.

Back when I was a color-coded shopper, I'd buy jam or jelly. Almost always Grape. (Oooo, transparent plastic purple jars... gotta land on that one... looks like a pod of lilacs... buzzz... buzzzzzz). One day, a brilliant question popped into my head: Just what is the difference between jelly and jam???

I went to the fridge, and discovered I had one of the two purple concoctions, and made a mental note to buy the other type on the next go 'round of shopping. Of course, not really paying attention to the writing on the label, I diligently went out the next time I was buying groceries, and dutifully bought that lovely purple object, next to those other lovely purple objects. I got home, and finally reading the labels, discovered I was now the proud owner of two jars of the exact same lovely purple objects.

So, now I had to eat my way thru another jar of the oh so sweet purple stuff, before I ventured again from the hive in my quest for the opposite flavor of the royal nectar. And when I finally did, a few months later...

... yes, I had again purchased the same freakin flavor!! Eventually, I did buy the opposite flavor (probably by accident), and at last had an almost empty jar of Purple Substance 1, and a whole new jar of Purple Substance 2. Yea, me!! Wooo-hooo! Granted, it's not quite Lance Armstrong winning the Tour de France seven times in a row. High five, Lance!

Anyhoo, I remembered doing the experiment to find out the difference between jelly and jam, but I didn't remember the results. So, last week, I went out and bought a jar of Grape Jelly (on the first try! Label reading RULES!) to go with my partially consumed jar of Grape Jam. I again conducted the great taste-off. And the results...

Grape Jelly is sweet, purple, and smooth, but with little bits of crunchy thingys in it (seeds?). Grape Jam is sweet, purple, and smoother, but w/o the little bits of the mysterious crunchy thingys in it (bee stingers???).

Hmmm... maybe I was wrong... maybe you will learn the answers to Life's Questions in this blog...


  1. I dont think you are plain, actually i think you are pretty creative, keep going :-P

  2. Yo, Jammer J...

    I hate to be the one to inform you, but those crunchy things in that purple stuff ain't seeds....they are roach parts! But, that being said...take's protein! :)